Counting My Blessings

p.s. the airplanes that fly overseas now (American Airlines at least) lets you view the airplane as it takes off and lands. It definitely removes the mystery! 

I have gone back and forth on whether or not I should actually verbalize the "stuff" of my trip as it's somewhat personal but decided for the sake of putting a personality behind my trip, that I will.  I would have written more as I went but simply because of time and my need to process things slowly, I decided not to.  So after some time well spent on thinking about the impact of traveling solo for 4 weeks in Italy - some highlights and lessons learned. 

Italy is a beautiful place and has a romance that can be tapped into at any time...but for me, Italy wasn't really about that.  Italy for me, was more about growing as a person. I think I went there thinking I might be swept up into this great movie where I was sitting in a cafe journaling, the wind blowing through my hair and a waiter kissing my hand... I did have a waiter kiss my hand and wind did blow through my hair (while trying to catch a train).  I'm not going to sit here and lie to you that Italy was just like the movies.  It could be depending on your circumstances but for me, it really wasn't like that.  The food was amazing - usually always, the wine great, the buildings beautiful, landscapes breathtaking, the history rich.   If I could go back, yes I would stay in some more ritzy hotels but the people I met in the hostels and conversations in people's homes were some of the richest memories I have to keep. Even more so, the changes in me will be the most valuable take away Italy had to offer.

• Time is obviously precious. We've heard it our whole lives. But for me, on this trip...it was entering into time that was the challenge...the moment and not planning ahead. Trusting that tomorrow would be taken care of.  And believe me, going on a 2 week trip would not have instilled this into me but 4 weeks of daily reminders that I need to stay present was definitely an impactful part of my journey. I was also reading, Ann Voskamp's, One Thousand Gifts, which has been transformative.  Looking for all the precious little good things in my day helped me stay in the moment.  I'll practice here, like Ann encourages us too: 
• mug of coffee warm between my hands 
• fire still burning 
• smell of dinner on the stove
• sitting safely in my seat on the train (thankful I'm on it) 
• live guitar music echoing off ancient buildings
• kind stranger offering to pick up my suitcase
• German girl in hostel telling me her story 
• Nevio's kind eyes
• little Marco's attempts to communicate even with language barrier
• attentive dog's companionship

• A definite lesson for me in going to Italy was in becoming more patient.  For example, whether or not I wanted to admit it, before I left, there were times I felt tempted to break traffic laws just so I could get where I needed to go and get there on time. But to prove a point....The urge to do the next thing was so strong in me that again, being present was difficult when I got to Italy....always thinking about the next city.  Coming home, my driving has slowed down and everything feels more relaxed - it's so nice.  The need to rush is not as strong (not that life wasn't hurried in Italy - if anything it felt more hurried there in some aspects)...but I think this came from living out the day to day public transportation in Italy.  For 4 weeks traveling from train to train + a few buses (around 20+ hours total I counted up, off and on), was that I am not in charge and I HAVE to wait.  Waiting around with the rest of the Italians was transformative for my patience. You can't tap the shoulder of the train conductor and ask them to adjust to your schedule so you can make the next train....you just wait and comply. It just IS. Those tiny little adjustments have meant the world to me. There may have been others, but that is what immediately comes to mind.

• Becoming more child like is my life long goal. Childlike trust...Being in a country where I didn't know the land, usually didn't know anyone initially nor did I speak the language... I was very reliant on His help  - like a child might be. God was like my traveling partner, always by my side. I asked him for many things and many, many times he came through for me...for some of the smallest things. Ex. the waiter who kissed my hand and gave me a free seat at a table (I had asked for that).  I knew before this trip that He cared - I really did know, but it's almost like I would beg him for things when I prayed..."God, please....please, you know I need xyz." I never would have known it felt that way until I experienced a new form of him and and an aspect of his Husbandry.   It just feels different now. It's like I found another side to Him and realize you don't have to beg.  He already knows but wants to enter into relationship with us. Interaction - if we didn't ask, then I think it takes pleasure from Him in watching things unfold before us.  So lately I pray with more confidence, just knowing that hH is good.  He is there.  I can remove traces of the dramatic because when I trust that He wants my good, I know that even if things don't unfold as planned, he's still got your back.  He really is enough.    

• Beauty is important but it's not where we end, it is where things begin.  It is there to lead us to God,  I believe.  For me, I'm just the kind of person (call me stubborn) who doesn't entirely care how beautiful something is, or a country or a place...it's not about that. The question I keep asking myself is, "God, where are you? I want more of you. This is not enough for me." And that was definitely something I kept running into. I think my life is just not enough until I find more of God.  Because I learned about Jesus Christ at a young age, the need to re-discover him in new ways without growing callous has become really important.  At the end of my time there, I did find that my faith was more important to me than when I left and that truly was an encouragement.  I realized I feel pretty blank to certain answers and that emptiness is finally bothering me, whereas before it sort of bothered me.  Now, it's time to go after it.  If I happen to meet you on the street, you have my full permission to ask me if I have. 

 

I am still trying to hold on to all these things and grow deeper, higher, stronger and more vibrant in the life that God has called us to live in him.  It is a daily process and I'm very grateful I had the opportunity to walk that journey in Italy with such beautiful people. I look forward to going back again in the coming years and seeing everyone who I became close with.  Three kisses (the Italian way)!