Going to Italy was an idea that was realized when American Airlines gave me a generous voucher and I happened across a great flight. As I was booking my ticket around Thanksgiving, sitting on hold over the phone, I remembered I would be turning 35 a few months after my trip. A lot of people say they forget their age...and exactly that had happened. I forgot that 35 came after 34. Truly, I did. A waft of fear brushed across my face and I got hot... but then... I felt God sweetly hug me (in ways that God hugs us) and say, 'let's do this together to celebrate your birthday.' I had called American three nights in a row, delaying my decision to jump for it...and it was at this moment, that I realized it was time to take the leap. Sometimes I need a little push.
For the most part I have remained steady, enjoyed my very full life, trusting God for the things that I dream of. But within the last year or so my heart awoke to "reality" and it started to flutter.... At times I drown out that... flutter... with enjoying the present and then on other days I can hear it's undeniable syncopated rhythm whispering in my ear. In the midsts of that and the fear that tries to stealthily cloak a hopeful, trusting heart ... I stand in the Barnes & Noble journal section scanning every beautiful cover they had and my eyes fall on this one. And I hear.... "I AM Lord of time." It felt like a pronouncement over that yucky fear. A trump. An authority silencing other false pronouncements that suddenly seemed really small. He is the Great I Am. The God of the universe is saying He is Bigger.
As the Psalm says (below), in his alarm he felt cut off from God's sight, which is indeed another word for that "flutter". Like going down a steep hill on a roller coaster and feeling as though it might not land on the tracks. But it's in that alarm that the choice must be made...to trust. So, while I patiently wait for earthly romance and other exciting things to take shape in their perfect time...currently I am hearing another Romance knock at my heart...and I'm excited about walking through that door once again for a new adventure.
Psalm 31:15...
"My times are in your hands, deliver me from my enemies and those who pursue me...How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you....In my alarm I said, "I am cut off from your sight!" Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help. Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD."
